I was a school leader for 20 years—founding principal of a public school, head of a start-up independent school, and head of a 130-year-old leading independent school. It corresponded with the same 20 years that I had my two kids at home, and so it often meant that people – especially women – would ask me about balance, and whether it was possible to have it all.

For me the answer has been a resounding yes. I loved being a head of school. I have loved the problems, the people, the incredible inspiration, and the privilege to lead a community of people to do – as far as I’m concerned – the most important work in the world. I also loved being able to do that alongside all of the other parts of who I am: a leader, an educator, a parent, a daughter, a sister, a wife, an occasional runner.  I wasn’t always good at them all at the same time, but I always felt like I couldn’t be whole without one of them. To me, “self-care” was rooted in my capacity to nurture all of those parts of myself. That, and having a very strict bedtime routine!  

I gave up some things that were hard to give up along the way. I was not always present with my kids. I thought about work and emailed and texted at night – a lot. It was a source of friction in our house at times. I didn’t get to every game or performance as head of school. And at the very same time, I have enjoyed holding it all.

For that matter, I think being a woman and a mother made me a better leader in many ways. I lead with empathy and a desire to collaborate, and I am also ambitious and competitive. I am proud that women joined my schools knowing they’d have the space to be whole people because they could see me aspiring to do so. One of my favorite stories: during my Wheeler interview, my son called mid-presentation—and a faculty member later said that moment sealed it for them. (Not a pro-tip for interviewing, but it worked for me!)

My daughter – and Taylor Swift – taught me this: haters gonna hate. Bias and inequities exist for women, and women of color, but I think “leader” defines me, without qualification. There are and will be moments in your life as a woman and a leader that are defined by bias, misogyny and  racism. And yet, we sign up for this work because we believe in something bigger, and that requires doing our jobs anyway.

To do that well, I have leaned on the company of all kinds of women, and been nourished by the mentorship of women, the story-sharing among women. It has been essential for sustaining me as a leader, helping me to interpret my experiences, manage my responses, and achieve my goals. Over the years, I have built friendships with women in school leadership who I can call for anything, with any problem, in any state of vulnerability. This has made me a better person and a better leader.  

I transitioned this summer to join Carney Sandoe so that I can, in the famous words of Marge Piercy, “be of use.” I am excited to support schools to be at their best and to help leaders grow in their careers, wrestle with their challenges, and enjoy their successes. This pipeline – its existence and its character – is the most important intervention we can make to ensure that our schools are as robust and vibrant as they will have to be for our future.

So thank you for continuing to try to “have it all.” It’s worth it. Because if you believe, as I do, that schools are a collection of the dreams and ambitions of one generation for the next one, it is the work that is about planting seeds for a common future. I feel lucky to be surrounded today by my colleagues who are supporting the schools and the people who are out here doing that work, striving to do so amidst the stunning complexities of life.